I'll Tell You About Me

I've been sailing too long and too far, temporary stayed over without having any intention to stay in a little longer. 

Over past two and half year I felt a lot of random feelings and I'm going to tell you about me.

I'll Tell You About Them chapter is not that bad. I used to think they're just not the right one but the fact is I never try knowing them more. That doctor who sell insurance didn't offer me to buy his product, but offered me to be his business partner. He trusted my capability to do something bigger with him. Worse, I could share my dream living abroad with that  IT engineer. He was the one who saw my persistence since the first meeting. There, I was overreacted and ending ghosted them up. I am underestimated myself, imprisoning the possibilities ahead.

Telling you all about the past is totally my excuses and I had enough denial. My blurry choices, regretted decisions, and unavoidable mistakes shouldn't become a forbidden sign to always bloom. I let them be a part of me in order to embrace my perfect imperpections. These scars are the real growth. I vote for the finale called acceptance as my redemption.

I'm done having trust issue and insecurity over me. I accept the past and the matter is I accept me, the whole of me. I might be too much for someone and too less for another. I'm also still afraid of rejection. No one cares but myself, at least I got disappointed after trying rather than do nothing. Pure intention often leads to good thing. Be my true self doesn't make me lose anything. So much relieved to be open like this. Yesterday the pandemis made me insane, the loneliness wasn't really suit me. Now, it's comfortable either hanging out with friends or spending all day reading a book. 

I re-find my peace in silent through books. It's surprising when I prefer to continue reading than watching netflix. The other reason is because the routine doesn't give me space learning and having fun in new thing, in something different. I never get new perspective since graduated, only work stuff. I crave for knowledge, it never goes wrong by investing myself. I committed to personal growth. I deserve the better one one day, so does he.

I'm moving on to the next chapter. Just have one thing to say for anyone who is struggling with the past. Please don't deny what happened. Sailing as far as you can go, explore new thing. Accept until you regain your own peace. Only good attracts good.